Todd Goes To Wal-Mart

There are lots of things that led to me being at Wal-Mart on Saturday night before Easter at 9pm.

But I won’t go into them.

Just know that I was there. And it was weird.

And while I’m normally glad that I don’t tweet from my phone, this was one night that needed some live-tweeting. I did, however, manage to remember a few things I saw and experienced on my late-night run to the craziest store in East Texas.

  1. You’ve been to People of Wal-Mart, right? Well, they were all in Tyler on Saturday night.
  2. I passed woman flying down the aisle while on a cell phone. “Hey,” she exclaimed. “They. are. out. of. cheese.”
  3. The list Kristen gave me had five or six normal items and then one final thing: CANDY. As I walk toward the candy, I realize we already have baskets and baskets of candy the kids already got from two separate Easter celebrations on Friday and Saturday. Why would we need more candy? Are we going to start using it as currency or something?
  4. I could hear a massive crowd of people at least four aisles away from the “Easter section” with all the baskets, bunnies and trinkets. It sounded like a soccer stadium. As I passed the aisle (FILLED with people,) I noticed one man dressed in a full suit walking around with a bewildered look. I avoided eye contact with that man. You never know what a stressed out dad will do for a sack of colored eggs.
  5. My favorite sight of the night: two women standing around trying on sunglasses. at 10pm.
  6. There’s really no hiding out desperate your life is when you’re rifling through those giant cellophane-wrapped Easter baskets at the front of the store. That’s a low point, friend.
  7. It’s hard because you’re walking around thinking, “I’m so stupid to be doing this. Why am I here? I should have done this last week.” Then you see someone you know and you both have to share that moment where you realize that you both, in fact, are stupid.
  8. You have to find some way to pass the time waiting in line. I like to look at other carts (especially those not Easter shopping) and imagine that they’re buying Easter supplies. “What’s that guy gonna’ do with a water hose on Easter?” or “Ewww…she’s buying 22 frozen dinners? What a horrible Easter lunch.”

  9. While standing at the register, I had thought it would be hilarious to roll up on Easter eve purchasing nothing but 60 packs of MAGIC: The Gathering cards. Every one would think you were a Satanist.

It wasn’t all bad. There was a real highlight to my trip.

It was crazy – people were rude and inconsiderate and they weren’t enough checkers at the front of the store. I’ve never worked in retail, but working retail during a holiday has to be a nightmare.

I stepped up to pay for my stuff, expecting the typical overworked, underpaid checker to speed through my purchases, but instead, I heard humming.

“Are you singing?” I asked her.

She laughed and then said, “Somebody’s got to.”

I left there really encouraged by my checker, Stephanie. She had a rough night ahead of her and was meeting it with song. I was once again reminded of how sometimes a song can make all the difference.

So, maybe late-night runs to Wal-Mart aren’t all bad, after all.

Maybe.

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