People You See At The Movies

I love movies. Rented, borrowed, online…I love them. But nothing beats actually driving to the theater and taking in a movie in the way it was intended. In fact, if I was rich, I’d be there all the time.

But going to the movies is a big investment. It’s expensive, it’s crowded and you’re almost always guaranteed to run into folks who make the viewing experience interesting.

BABIES
I’m still baffled at the presence of babies in movie theaters. Why is there a 3-yr. old at the 9:45pm showing of Book of Eli? Why is there a newborn at any movie any time ever? I understand that parents of infants need a break from the norm…but if you bring the kid with you, how is that a break? Aren’t you even more stressed trying to keep up with a storyline and tend a child?

GUYS WITH HATS ON BACKWARD
This isn’t a hard & fast rule, but it’s a pretty safe bet that if there’s a dude w/ a backwards hat, he’s going to be doing a few things:

  • Texting throughout the movie
  • Trying to be funny off of every punch line
  • Saying “shut up” and/or punching someone next to him at least three times before the movie’s over

AWKWARD DATES
Oh, man…don’t you just feel for those couples you see and it’s obvious this is a first date? Neither of them are going to really enjoy the movie. They’re going to sit there evaluating everything up-to-now and trying to decide whether or not they really like the person beside them. There are lots of reasons why I’m glad I’m married, and one of those is no more awkward dating. Hang in there, kids! Soon, you’ll find somebody who’s perfect for ya!

OLD PEOPLE
You’ll see this if you ever hit a matinee in the middle of the week. (Not that I do that…I’m usually hours deep into work @ the office, you see.) You roll into a Wednesday 10:45 showing expecting a wasteland and find folks your grandfather’s age pounding popcorn and heading to watch the latest thing with Meryl Streep in it. Obviously, these are the people I long to be (see line about being “rich” in the intro) but perhaps it’s because I can’t conjure the image of my grandparents going to the movies that I find this so strange. Or maybe I just hate old people.

GIDDY MOMS
Ever sit in front of a mom who hasn’t been to a movie in three-and-a-half years? That’s an experience you won’t soon forget. This woman is so thrilled and new to the movie-watching experience that she’s forgotten how to behave. Two things you’ll notice should you be fortunate enough to share space with Giddy Mom.

  • She’s gonna’ laugh at every joke. Funny, non-funny, facial expressions, stunt falls or imagined humor – she’s gonna’ love it.
  • She’s a talker. “Why isn’t he killing her, honey? She’s a double agent!” “Where did they film this?” “Oooh….Luke Wilson. I like him.”

I don’t fault her. Movie-watching is meant to be enjoyed. I just need a second to prepare myself should I find myself in that situation.

Surely, I’ve missed something. What other notable personalities did I miss out on? Comment below.

Next week, we’ll discuss weird “things” you see at the movies.

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