10 Things You’ll NEVER Hear From The Staff At Chuck E. Cheese

When we moved to Tyler, Texas, I honestly believe my kids thoughts we would be at Chuck E. Cheese every single weekend.

After two-and-a-half years here, and I’ve taken them once.

I don’t know of many establishments that so frustrate and torture parents like Chuck E. Cheese. We’ll know what’s going on – we’re being taken advantage of by the man. And the man is a giant mouse.

It’s my privilege to share with you ten things you’ll never hear an employee say:

  1. “Sorry this pizza is so terrible. We’re not even trying anymore. We got some Papa John’s in the back if you’d rather eat that.”
  2. “Okay, that will be ___________ (a cost less than $50)”
  3. “We know the dude in the Chuck costume freaks your kids out, so we’re going to stop sending him out to terrorize the children.”
  4. “2,243 tickets. That wins you __________ (any prize bigger than a thimble)”
  5. “Hey, we just fixed that game that was broken. Our policy to have every game running without out fail during all business hours.”
  6. Stories about how many fat dads have been stuck in the overhead play area.
  7. “The girl stamping your hands for personal safety currently has a warrant for armed robbery.”
  8. “Here’s a copy of our last ten health inspections. As you can see, not one demerit in three years.”
  9. “Yeah, we hate the animatronic stage show, too.”
  10. “Can’t wait to see you again!” (with sincerity…)

What did I miss? Share some phrases that have never been uttered in this establishment.



  1. Caleb

    "We ensure that every contact surface in the play area is sanitized on an annual basis using the same mops we clean the kitchen floor with."

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