When Justin Romack told me a few weeks ago about Baby Romack, I was excited. Everybody knows that Justin’s one of my best friends in the world and I think that Angela is actually an angel sent from Heaven to cheer us all with her spirit.
But the more I’ve thought about it, the more concerned I’ve become. Oh, sure, they’ll do fine, but I realize that Justin has a few “issues” he’ll need to work through if he’s going to pull this fatherhood thing off.
So it’s with love that I submit this letter to Justin (via the internet) to guide him and caution him as to some things he’ll need to change before little Toddina Romack gets here.
- Justin, you can’t just grab up a tambourine and jam into the wee hours of morning anymore. The baby will need sleep and your drumming will be a problem.
- Justin, you’re going to have to get rid of all the inappropriate rap music you have in your collection. Sure, it won’t matter much now, but sooner or later that kid is going to accidentally activate your phone and it won’t do to have Tupac filling up the house.
- Justin, you need to pace yourself. Seeing your child born is the most amazing thing you’ll ever experience. And as a guy who nearly faints over queso or a chicken sandwich, you’re going to need to make sure your head doesn’t explode in the delivery room.
- Justin, do not teach this child how to prank call. I know it’s tempting. Heck, you’ve got a gift for it and it only seems right that you’d pass that fine legacy down. But the sad fact is that by the time your child is old enough to carry on your legacy, the technology will be so advanced that he or she will be arrested before they hang up the phone. Think of the children, dude.
- You probably know this one, but I’m just gonna’ go ahead and say it. NO MORE CURSING.