If you’re a married guy worship leader, this isn’t for you. This is written for your wife. You can read it if you want, but this post is written to help make your life better.
Now, I’m not suggesting you forward this to your wife and say, “Honey, this guy on the internet said this post will make you a better wife for me.” Don’t don’t that. That’s dumb. Don’t do that, please.
I’ve been a worship leader only slightly longer than I’ve been married and I’ve been both for a very long time. Your wife loves you and puts up with a lot of drama because of you, dude. The least you can do is make help her to understand how truly weird you are. And don’t worry – we’ll have a post from my wife to you guys very soon.
Hi, wife of worship leader…
First of all, let me thank you for what you do. You love and support your husband in a job that’s filled with challenges. You bear a lot of his burdens and often know way more about church drama that you could have ever imagined. Because you are special and I want you to have the best marriage possible, I’m offering these humble tips in the hope that it will help you have a peaceful relationship with that weird man you married.
- Your feedback is very important to your husband. But if you have “constructive criticism” for him, may I suggest saving that until at least five hours after worship? (Six-to-eight hours is even better, but if you can’t stand it, go after five.) In most cases, he already feels inadequate for the task at hand which makes for a very fragile ego.
- The absence of negative feedback is not the same as positive feedback. Compliment him when he leads. Even if you have to make it up. Find ways to encourage him. I’d encourage a kind word or a brief make-out session Sunday afternoon. (We’re all married here…we can speak freely, right?)
- Be a mediator. When drama happens – and it will – your husband is going to feel attacked and he’s going to be tempted to think the worst of his haters. Because you love him, you’re going to feel defensive on his behalf. Don’t do that. Trust me, he’s defensive enough for the both of you. Instead, be that (calm) voice of reason. Remind him of things like grace and kindness and the fact that everybody needs mercy!
- Buy him ice cream. After a long day of ministry, let him relax a bit with some Blue Bell. (Other brands of ice cream will do in a pinch, but Blue Bell is obviously the gold standard.
- Be okay with him starting up again. You probably expect him to relax Sunday evening and take a break from thinking about next week’s set but he many times he’ll be geared up for next time. Let him ramble about ideas or bang on his guitar for a bit. It sure beats him laying in bed threatening to quit ministry altogether.
- If you have kids, brag about their dad’s worship leading skills right there in front of him. He’ll love you for it and he’ll be a better worship leader because of it.